finding the secret place

The woman said to Him, "Sir, give me this water that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw." - John 4:15

(I learnt today that I don't need a man; I need the Man.)

I'm sorry that I hurt You. I'm sorry that I pushed You away. 

I'm sorry that I couldn't see how much You loved me and love me still. 

I'm sorry that I hurt those around me and I'm sorry that thought I was perfectly fine. 

I've found that I don't love You as much as I thought I did; 

My love wavers but never will Yours and never will You. 

So I lay me down, I lay my heart down.
My fears, my hurt, my hate, my love, my past, my present; I lay me down. 

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So. Smiles came knocking on my heart doors on saturday. Had a peak into the secret place once more and I was bawling, messy and just... all over the place. It was so liberating. Found all that strength again, what with being alone and truly happy.

I'll be honest, it's humanly impossible to survive without feeling tangibly loved by those around you. And I do too imagine myself on beautiful dates with a beautiful someone like any other girl would, but I've come to a point where... the entirety of my happiness simply does not rely on just that dream. With that said, I'm not like a nun or anything!!!!! I'm still female, and still full of emotions!?!! So. I'm just finding myself in the One who perfectly loves me, who's loved me from the start, and waiting for whoever it is He is preparing for me.

Legacy's on for the next 5 days, and I can't emphasize how stoked I am. M'sia, here we come!

xx,
sam