xx

I sick of being sick and I'm done with my heavy heart.

It's 10:03pm and my lids are failing me whilst tomorrow's OB team is discussing for our pre-class assignment. I am dy...living. I am living. I can do this!!!!!! Eeeyah ~ Okay pretty picture to keep myself awake:

ps: I will attempt to make this once the 5 weeks of holiday arrive. (random rabbit trail yay)

Now now now.
The worse today gets, the better it shall end in Jesus' name.

Genesis 49:21

 "Naphtali is a deer let loose;
He uses beautiful words.

 No compromise, there is nothing better than You.

☂

(hello headband tan line from the sentosa outing 2 weeks back....)

"Set not your hope on a man who may or may not be able to deliver what you want. Set your hope on the He who has delivered you from darkness to light. Who Himself took your disappointments and made you a prisoner of Hope."

I'm not fighting the battles settled

I'm picking the parties, soaking in His

Peace, I waltz to a lovely whisper

My feet floating, my tummy flutter

I sigh in painful, ridiculous laughter

At joy of having, found another

My friend I've missed you, you may not know

In times of gold the treasure you sowed

I penned down I kept, these notes of us

That I read through my moments of rust

Let's start over, start it slow

He'll lead us along, on where to go

Let's start over, chase again

It's not as easy, it's not the same

There is a value, there is a worth

Will you be brave, oh will you love

- sam

cardigan weather

ps: in class right now and this is on a ridiculous number of repeats.

liztomania

// when you fought to pay for my iced tea and my heart went...

http://gifboom.com/x/d57bceb7

"Ok ah Lord You say You love me and that I am beautiful; altogether fair and lovely in Your sight, so that's that. I won't break over a sinking feeling. I won't falter so easily. I am strong in my weakness, for You are with me. You are with me."

tearful tearless

The wars we have between feeling right and doing right. 

And every once in awhile I start my thoughts at "we should have" and "we could have", and you and me and us and them and him and her and and... And I'm crippled by the fear and the loss of your being near me. And I'm stuck where the multiple dots you include in your responses, strikes an ache deep inside. And I'm torn where a smile has to be pried off your lovely mouth, no longer a freely given. 

And I remember singing this, meaning every word of the song. And I lay awake tonight, doing the same thing. 

xx,

sam

L E G A C Y

"Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

- 2 Timothy 1:6-7

Smiles restored my heart throughout this camp. Just simply healing more and more as each day passed. I believe that He still is doing so and will continue to hold me together as long as I'm breathing. 

RP/ITE CG

Le Keyboardists

Debra Ng Pei Rong wo ai ni

my Di

Charms

Sara

Paul

Marker

cat face mask (which can't really be seen)

"I'd rather leave knowing I've received than feeling like I have."

~~~

Marie my roommate who leaves her phone in the safe....... (who can hear the alarm in the safe!!?!?) hahaha love!

"I once was in love with a boy for 4 years. I think the worst part of it all was that it was not reciprocated. Living with that pain probably made me need the pain. Over time, I guess love without a pain seemed sort of unreal to me. As though constant bitterness is needed for a love to be genuine. And so, in the past couple of months, I've been searching for a route to that same pain and as I can now see, for really warped reasons... Simply put, I was foolishly looking to love someone who won't love me. This is like an epic picture of self infliction on my poor heart which I believe has hurt many others around me along the way. For that, I truly am sorry.

In the last 4 days, I found how love through Him is easy and beautiful. Not at all like my ridiculous idea of it. And though pain is involved in the wait and in some decisions (for it is only worth something where there is a pricelessness to it), it should not be the catalyst of any relationship. Even in my silly confusion, He comes to meet with me." 

You, and you :')

If it took grace to place me where I am, it will take grace to sustain me at wherever I am. So UTs, showcase internals and serving, let's go!!!!! I've had such an amazing week, and I believe that I've returned to yet another or an even more amazing week. #thrilled101

Love, sam

finding the secret place

The woman said to Him, "Sir, give me this water that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw." - John 4:15

(I learnt today that I don't need a man; I need the Man.)

I'm sorry that I hurt You. I'm sorry that I pushed You away. 

I'm sorry that I couldn't see how much You loved me and love me still. 

I'm sorry that I hurt those around me and I'm sorry that thought I was perfectly fine. 

I've found that I don't love You as much as I thought I did; 

My love wavers but never will Yours and never will You. 

So I lay me down, I lay my heart down.
My fears, my hurt, my hate, my love, my past, my present; I lay me down. 

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

So. Smiles came knocking on my heart doors on saturday. Had a peak into the secret place once more and I was bawling, messy and just... all over the place. It was so liberating. Found all that strength again, what with being alone and truly happy.

I'll be honest, it's humanly impossible to survive without feeling tangibly loved by those around you. And I do too imagine myself on beautiful dates with a beautiful someone like any other girl would, but I've come to a point where... the entirety of my happiness simply does not rely on just that dream. With that said, I'm not like a nun or anything!!!!! I'm still female, and still full of emotions!?!! So. I'm just finding myself in the One who perfectly loves me, who's loved me from the start, and waiting for whoever it is He is preparing for me.

Legacy's on for the next 5 days, and I can't emphasize how stoked I am. M'sia, here we come!

xx,
sam

animal

There was a time when my world was filled with darkness, darkness darkness.

Then I stopped dreaming, now i'm supposed to fill it up with something, something, something.

In your eyes I see the eyes of somebody I knew before, long long, long ago.

But I'm still trying to make my mind up, am I free or am I tied up?

carry me in your heart

I don’t know what is it that I’m doing, for who am I waiting

Is it true there is a right way and another wrong
Oh I’m alone and that is, but a lie in a song

(The truth of places, where the second is a shadow
The crowd is growing yet in my head, is a lone willow)

A Fine Frenzy is playing in my ears
Reminding me of my wasted tears
I’m standing again at what they call
The crossroads, yes cliché but I fight and I crawl
To make a stand I walk the plank
To make a stand I walk the plank

My lids are heavy and swell
From running after, and falling farther
I hate to admit that I need a rest
On a broad wide shoulder would be the best

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear friend,

May the one worth our tears find us someday. Till that day comes, I just want to remind you that your heart is so precious and needless to say, priceless. Simply because it is one of a kind; there never will be another of your heart. He does not deserve you if he cannot ninja like us and does not fall in love with Benjamin Francis Leftwich the way we have. (heh heh)

I am praying for you, and till our next adventure... May the force be with you ~

Love, sam

almost lover

Would you love me, if I can't sing

Would you love me, if I haven't a thing

To give to, to breathe on, to leave with you

Would you love me, in the rain of my strayed hairs

If ever heat comes, and my skin tears

Would you warm my fingers in the freezing cold

And bear the burdens I fight to hold

Would you love me through my toughest mornings

Leave me gifts, and deal with my yawning-s

Will you record in film all we do

Even if, we look like fools

Please don't stop writing random letters

We'll have our meals on cute printed platters

Will you vow to keep making me better 

Share my life, and yours together

selah sue

It is midnight muffin time kids!

// Wan introduced me this amazing artiste today so do check her out (she's not just gorgeous but super swag hahahaha)

Anws, today was sentosa day with the replugios!!!!!!!!!!

stainless hearts are steel

"I will love you. I will protect you from the butterflies. I will be the awkward clown and have my head cover yours when you have heat rash, I will not laugh at it and make sure you don't scratch. I will join you in your stupendous sauce mixing, and we will order endless buckets of fries. I will speak nicely to your tummy when it starts to get out of hand, and will not make fun of it. I will make you silly sandwiches, however I don't vouch for your bowels. I will be there when you wake at 3:17am and need a nonsensical phone call. I will kiss your cheeks whenever you feel the ugliest and squish you in my arms when you're embarrassed. I will make lists simply because you love them; of food places, random questions and every time you're clumsy (just for the sake of it). I will cry with you so you don't feel alone. I will listen, not just hear. I will love you. I will love you. I will love you."

chumma

 Breakfast with vivi today, finaaaallly ;') 

 Here's after vocals where Danny and Jordan decided to be annoying. #igotnerf-ed sigh~

Met up with jk today hahahahaha, & I didn't regret meeting up. (Thank u for prata once again if you see this!) No pictures though, what a shame. Next time perhaps ; ) 

To-do list:

1. UT prep

2. Practice songlist for 9th june's Arrow svc

3. Pick a song for june 20th's showcase

4. Pack my room

5. Buy film

6. Diet

7. Sleep earlier

// meow

chip chip

"I wrote two songs today, thought I'd share one here so, prepare to suffer of emotional overload (or not) ~

Three calls fourth the last

One, I've tried my best

A hole in my heart through every dial

But when I'm with you, I can only smile

I cannot break yours

But I've broken mine

I cannot hold yours

So I must hold back mine

I must hold my heart back

Tightly in a brown knitted sack

(Where you won't find it

 where you can't steal it)

Anyway, a little more about today.

1. Amanda and I decided to hang out with the rest instead of carrying through with our ramen date so....... tada. More pictures when Cheng uploads the shots from his camera which is btw worth $3000 hahaha.

2. I feel so lame in this shot holding a cd and all that, but I r a proud friend here!!!!!!!! MILF'S new tank going @ $25 each. I think our entire famy bought one to support Marlie and his boys hahaha. So this is me with mine yay ~ (ignore the gablgbalgbag eyes here although u can't now that I mentioned)

Yes so, vocals tmr and I NEED TO START PREPPING FOR UTs!!!!! It's 2:31 am, I just heard an auntie in the kitchen opposite my bedroom spit very unflatteringly as I type, so ok can thy shalt sleepeth now. Goodnight bunnies!

yours truly,

sam (i am a pretty butterflyyyyyyyy!!!!!)

chivalry

Great love can never be attained without a great fight.

If you are not ready to be broken, you're not ready to be loved. Love will break your heart, and I don't mean for the worse with that said. Love will mould you to become a better person, with much pain in the process of revealing the uglier truth of one's self, and that's why it is going to hurt. But love will ride through the lows and dance along the highs with you; that is the beauty of it. Don't get me wrong, I am speaking of a love that breaks your heart to build you, not the sort that crushes you into years of torturous insanity. Yet if a love does not break you, then what for do you love?

Besides, how great a love can it be if it were always happy cupcakes and ponies? A knight can never truly be one unless he has a chance to rescue, and a woman of worth can never be one unless she has been fought for. 

Chivalry, please don't die on us.

will you be mine?

From Melia my lover sent far away beyond the seas, away from me ;'(

I miss you my poodle. I miss you alfbalbgalbgabgalgbagab I will save up and fly to Seattle and crash your apartment. Sigh ~

1. We are cool like that ok? Ok.

2. Love us and treat us right ok? Ok.

& I just thought the colours here were kinda nice so deal with the self obsession (hahaha)

// random post since I left out these pictures just now. #kthxbai

brisbane buddha

Hello June.
It's been a crazy week! Replug camp was pretty amazing. All that effort put in to get the whole camp together, and I thought the bonding agenda was pretty much a success. Made really cutie fwens, hehe prettygurl94 Amanda shall be named since we were like chopsticks throughout the camp. & I'll just let the pictures do the talking although, I'd like to add that I was so disappointed with my performance again......... Forever forgetting my lyrics (WHYYYY??!?!?) le sigh. But beyond that, the people were just fantabulous and I'm really thankful I gave the IG a shot and vice versa. Tada ~

Additions to Replug '12

Replug '12 @ the blackbox

Showcase Night; set up

So the freshies got blindfolded on our last night, and everyone was being all grumpy about a possible nightwalk, but it ended up as a surprise welcome party!!!! I nearly teared to be honest heh I'm a sucka for pretty things and so lights = *,*

So once again, a big thank you to all the very lovely people who made the camp such an amazing experience for all of us. I never had a more musical camp in my life hahahahaha. Sleeping through jam sessions and waking to jam sessions. Hxc these fellas, but ever so yummy sounding!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll post about the other stuffs soon when I get hold of the pictures, but I had an amazing time with my kiddoz tonight to end off the week. Missed these guys so much; I have only a shot of us from my birthday up there... (without John and his girl though) But we had great food, great dessert and a great van that managed to house all 9 of us hahaha. These guys sure are progressing in life :') With new additions to our retarded team but we welcome the lovely girlfriends with a merry heart. 

Ps: to my beloved Marlie & Vivi,

Despite the both of you running off and abandoning me to lonesomeness, I vow to fiercely love you as I always have, and to love who you love along with loving you. I'm always here my cutie pies, never think any less of me as a friend. Spam my phone with calls if that's what it takes to get to me. Or just appear at my doorstep and you know I'll greet you with open arms. And since April for Marlie is a huge part of your life now, and Shane for Vivi, I will love them too with all my heart however I can ~

Don't you dare forget me now kidz. Muah muah ♥ 

(I'm keeping my close friends closer)

Love, sammy

varlet

I have broken my own heart, you need not.